"Well this was one of the most surreal hotel experiences of about 40 years of business travel.
The room seemed very expensive when I booked but I assumed this was just the going rate in Venice. I later discovered I had unknowingly booked a suite as everything else was sold out.
On arrival things got off to a bad start and admittedly it was my fault. I chose this hotel only because it advertised a free shuttle bus to and from the airport. Since I was arriving late and leaving early from the airport this seemed ideal. However at the airport I could find no signs for any hotel shuttle buses and everything was closed so there was literally nobody to ask. I wandered around for a good half an hour but was unable to locate anything resembling a hotel shuttle so in the end I gave up and took an Uber. 6 km and €66,
more expensive than the record holding Heathrow Express!
So I wasn’t the best version of myself when I got to the hotel. I asked where the elusive shuttle was hiding and was asked if I had booked. Booked? This is a shuttle, not a limousine, I thought the whole point was that they shuttled back and forth and you didn’t need to book? Well not this one. Then the desk agent helpfully added that it made no difference that I hadn’t booked as the service only runs until 2300. It was by now 0130. In fairness I later found I been sent a message from the hotel via Expedia explaining all of this but it was only in Italian, so I hadn’t read it. Maybe they don’t get many foreign guests, what do I know?
The room was huge, maybe about 70 sqm. However as a hotel room it made little sense at all, it seemed someone had desperately tried to fill it with a bit of random furniture, however that person has apparently never met a business traveller or have any idea of their needs.
I have very simple demands on a hotel room:
1. Secure.
2. Quiet and with prominent and simple ways to manage temperature and ventialtion
3. Comfy bed with a comfy pillow
4. Easily accessible toilet with toilet brush
5. Servicable shower
6. Plentiful and accessible power outlets
7. Breakfast minimally including eggs, cappuccino and fresh juice
Everything else is a bonus.
This one fell down on 3, 4, 5 and 6.
1. The first thing I look for in a room is the desk where I can plonk my laptop bag down and get all my devices charging. There were two desks in this room, one only about 30cm deep, but neither had any visible power sockets. After an extensive search I located three, in different rooms, all at floor level and all cunningly hidden behind furniture. Luckily I had three chargers so I managed to get everything charging. I was worried that I would forget something, but hoped the moved furniture would remind me.
2. The bathroom. This consisted of two sizable rooms, one containing a shower and a basin, and one containing a bath, toilet, bidet and another basin. Firstly, despite about 25 sqm of bathroom, the toilet was tucked behind the door of the inner room in such a way that you had to go in, close the door and double back to be able to use it. Not the most convenient placement for the lost important resource, especially given the amount of space available. Secondly, the shower was a strange contraption the like of which I have never seen before, it looked like a combination of an ejector seat and a bubble pool (see picture). When I turned it on it spurted a jet of freezing cold water straight at my nether regions. I managed to get water that was scalding hot raining down from the roof or water that was too cold firing at me from the side, but was unable to get warm water out of either, it was as if the different nozzles had agreed to use different extremes of temperature to wake me up. Well it worked. Then, on exiting the shower I could find no towels. Strange. It turns out they were in the other bathroom above the bath. Not quite sure about the point of this arrangement but I’m sure there must be one. Finally the shaving mirror, it was one of the normal ones on an articulated arm coming out from the wall, the only thing was somebody had removed the nuts on either side that hold it in place (see picture) meaning it would only rest in the upright position giving me a magnified view of my navel.
3. The bed was fine, although the pillow was one of those bouncy rubber sausages that I am totally unable to fall asleep on. I was too tired to start enquiring if there were any alternatives.
On the free shuttle back to the airport I amused myself trying to think what sort of traveller’s needs this room was designed for. I have yet to figure it out.
Apart from these small details the hotel was fine."
